What I learned & what I'm looking forward to

Hello, dear friends, and welcome to autumn. I will make no apologies for the fact that this is my favorite time of year. I am always invigorated by a change in the weather—even if it’s as small as the clouds parting after a storm to let the sunshine in. Since moving to the midwest in 2015, I confess that every year, I can’t help but feeling like autumn is a special, personal gift—prepared and packaged just for me. Nevermind the fact that everyone else gets to enjoy it, too. The more the merrier—I’m happy to share.

In September, Sorta Awesome (one of my all-time favorite podcasts) hosted its first-ever book club for Patreon supporters. Their pick was This is Not a Book About Benedict Cumberbatch by Tabitha Carvan; it was not a book I would have ever picked up on my own. But Meg said, “Just trust me,” and I basically trust her implicitly, so I did.

And I can’t stop thinking about this book!

It begins with the premise that Tabitha, a middle-aged-ish and happily married wife and mother, has become obsessed with Benedict Cumberbatch. She’s watching every show and film multiple times, diving into fan fiction, scrolling through Google image…you name it. She’s a bit embarrassed and feels such curiosity and confusion around why she’s started behaving in this way. Of course, as a writer and journalist, she begins diving into why.

What follows is not merely an exploration of Benedict Cumberbatch fandom (of which I am not a member), but of pop culture, joy, motherhood, pleasure, feminism, and patriarchy. I highly recommend it. It’s laugh-out-loud funny and is guaranteed to make you think, even if you don’t understand the whole Cumberbatch thing.

I recognized how for most of my life (definitely beginning with Hanson in 3rd grade), I felt that there was only a certain degree to which it was acceptable to enjoy or love something. I often wrestle with the idea that my voice doesn’t matter and that any expression of my full self is “too much.” Learning about the enneagram has helped me see how some of that is personality and leaning on my “false self” for protection, but reading Carvan’s book made me see how much of that has been influenced and perpetuated by the patriarchy.

I feel an increased determination to take myself more seriously across the board—even if it does feel “intense” to some—and to love what I love, with an increased measure of freedom.

So, cheers to autumn, y’all. May we love what we love and make no apologies.

What I learned this summer:

One of my favorite practices at the end of each season to name what I learned. Thanks to Emily P. Freeman for giving me this idea, and for Beth Silvers and Annie Jones for continuing to inspire me to keep this record. Here’s what I learned during Summer 2022—both the big and small, the silly and the serious.

1. Access your Google calendar while checking your email: I can’t tell you how much time I have wasted toggling back and forth between a calendar tab and an email tab. Behold: the Gmail task bar. Did everyone know about this except me? When you have your Gmail inbox open, on the far righthand side of the browser window is a small vertical toolbar, which will pull up your calendar, Google Keep, tasks, or contacts. So now you can see your calendar while responding to emails about scheduling, rather than pulling up a new tab.

   

2. We’ll never have another queen of England. With Queen Elizabeth’s death, the line of succession is now Charles, then William, then George. And with the way the world is changing, it seems basically impossible that the British monarchy will still exist by the time we’ve made it to George or his hypothetical children. (Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if the monarchy ends within Charles’ lifetime.) I think this is what struck me as most significant about Queen Elizabeth’s death—she was the last of her kind. Granted, this was as the head of an oppressive and colonial system, which did great harm to many. I am still wrestling with whether or not it’s right to call someone who upheld and participated in an oppressive system a “feminist icon,” and as Elizabeth Holmes pointed out so well, who can even say if the Queen thought of herself as a feminist. And yet— well, it’s complicated.

3. I’ve never cared for figs, and now I feel completely justified in that response. DID YOU KNOW you are practically eating wasp juice w henyou eat a fig? I have really come around on insects, you all, but still. It makes me so squirmy. And yet, I don’t feel the same way about eating a hamburger or chicken nugget, so what gives? Perhaps the theme of this list is, “It’s complicated.”

4. Ted Lass is better the 2nd time around. My sister, Kelsey, moved to Indianapolis in August! We’re thrilled to have her here, in no small part because I now have someone local to watch The Bachelor franchise with me. (#itscomplicated) Evan and I quickly learned that Kelsey had not yet watched Ted Lasso, so we set about rectifying that immediately. I was infinitely delighted to realize how much better this show is the 2nd time around, because you can really see how from the beginning, the writers were laying the groundwork of what was to come. They are brilliant, and I love it.

5. COVID sucks. Did I really just learn that this summer? No. But did I finally catch COVID this July, after nearly 2.5 years of staying COVID-free? Yes, yes I did. And it was rough. I can’t remember the last time I felt so sick—my entire body hurt. I was so fortunate that my symptoms left as quickly as they arrived, with no lingering effects that I’ve noticed. Despite our best attempt at isolation, I did end up passing it to Ian, who tested positive on the night before the first day of school and missed his entire first week. Sigh. But two for five isn’t terrible, and we’re now healthy, and I’m grateful.

What I’m looking forward to this fall:

My other favorite nontraditional spiritual practice is to intentionally name what I am looking forward to each season. I began making these lists at the recommendation of my wise friend, Melissa, when I was in the throes of postpartum depression. It’s a practice I continue to be grateful for.

1. All the fall foods and treats: apple pie, pumpkin scones from Starbucks, soup simmering on the stove, etc etc. Love it, love it.

2. Seeing The Head and The Heart. Speaking of “love what you love,” live music is one of the things that makes me feel most like myself. We’re off to see The Head and The Heart on Friday night, and I can’t wait.

3. Afternoon walks. I am slowly, slowly accepting the reality that a walk around the neighborhood is so good for me. It helps balance out my energy levels when they take an afternoon plunge, helps quiet some of my swirling anxious thoughts, and helps complete the stress cycle. When the weather cools down this time of year, I love that I can go for a quick walk before picking the kids up from school without feeling like I need a shower afterwards.

4. Book club! The Indianapolis Moms Book Club is one of my favorite things in life, but over the past few months my attendance got all wacky. I’m so excited to get back into the swing of thing this fall. September is “choose your own book” month, followed by The Cartographers in October and The Murder of Mr. Wickham in November, which both feel perfect for fall.

5. Speaking of books, I’m really looking forward to more bookstagram fun with my sister! Once we moved here, I convinced her she should join me in creating a book-focused Instagram account, because it’s one of our favorite things to talk about. (Again, love what you love!) Come find us: @tomesandtropes

6. Ok, one more bookish one: Reading The Winners. Fredrik Backman’s Beartown series is one of my very favorites, and I can’t wait to read this book.

7. Celebrating! Getting festive! The fall is always full of celebrations—lots of family birthdays (including Leo), college football fun, and of course, Thanksgiving. One thing my kids help me do is celebrate well, and I’m looking forward for more of that in this season.

A benediction

As always, I like to leave you with a little benediction: a blessing to carry you into the month ahead.

This month, may we love, enjoy, and treasure to the highest degree. When we are tempted to put our full weight behind hustle, efficiency, and self-improvement, may we direct that energy elsewhere. May we be full to the brim of all that brings joy and delight.

Wishing you grace, peace, and weather that justifies a cute scarf,
Lindsey